What is Closure?

What is Closure?

I used to think that closure and healing were one and the same. I was wrong. Closure is not an easy thing to come by. Most of the time, closure is harder to attain than healing. You can heal and move forward without ever receiving closure from another person.

Closure doesn't come from an outside source.

It does come from realizing what took place... and leaving it there. Choosing not to carry it with you.

"This is the closure.

The lack of respect was the closure.

The lack of apology was the closure.

The lack of care was the closure.

The lack of accountability was the closure.

The lack of honesty was the closure."

- Unknown

Forgiveness is a change of heart. Healing is an internal recovery. And closure is the ability to move on. Sometimes you can forgive, but that doesn't mean forgetting is always an option. It just means that you choose not to become bitter.

Healing is what happens when forgiveness takes place. But closure takes time. It's not as easy to say that closure happens after healing... But it can. If you choose not to forgive, it breeds resentment & vitriol, which then leads to bitterness. Letting go of the resentment and forgiving the person is a big step towards healing and can lead you closer to closure.

Sometimes people wait for the clouds to part and light to shine on them and everything to become butterflies and rainbows for them to feel closure. In reality, closure is being able to move past what was and to begin living again.

I read a quote that said,

"Closure is a myth.

The way people leave you, the way they exit your life, the way they leave their relationship or connection with you, is all the closure you need. Find clarity in actions, not words."

- Unknown

This was hard to fully agree with at first. I felt like it was saying that words didn't matter. Like "sticks & stones..." but I feel like this quote is saying that you get the closure from witnessing their actions... their true self. Realizing that has given me the understanding that closure is the choice to stop perseverating on the past, coupled with the choice to move forward. Just like reading a book. Each chapter has a different issue, a different problem, a different dynamic. And once that chapter is over, the reader has to turn the page. It's an ending of the chapter... not the end of the story. Your life is the book, what was is the past, and what will be is yet to be read.

I can say that I have forgiven.

I can say that I have healed.

I feel I can say that I have closure.

Does this mean I will forget it? No.

Does this mean that there is no scar? No.

Does this mean that because the chapter is over, it never happened? No.

It means that because I will remember, because I have scars, and because I experienced that chapter, I have more wisdom moving forward.

I have the ability to not see the world through a tainted, broken, distorted lens of pain, sadness, and grief. It means I can move forward and embark on a new chapter, looking forward to what's next instead of dreading it.

Closure to me is not just the ability to move on.

Closure is finding peace.